Page Toppers

• 19th Hole
• Ain't Golf Grand
• Caddy Shack
• FORE (golf ball for O)
• "Fore"ever Golfing
• Golf (use a ball for O)
• Golf Fore Ever
• Golf is Great
• Golf is Groovy
• Golf Suits Me to a Tee!
• Hazards Attract; Fairways Repel.
• Iron Man
• On the Green
• Playing Through
• Puttering Around
• Tee For Two
• Tee'd Off
• Teeing Off
• There's No Time Like "Tee Time"
• When's Tee Time?

Quotes

• Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And it took a seven to do that. (Jim Murray)
• Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. (Dave Barry)
• A bad day of golf is better than a good day at work.
• A ball you can see in the rough from fifty yards away is not yours.
• Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.
• Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.
• Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
• Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at. (Jimmy Demaret)
• Golf is 95 percent mental anguish.
• Golf is a game in which one endeavors to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with implements singularly ill-designed for the purpose. (President Woodrow Wilson)
• Golf is a game in which you yell FORE, shoot six, and write down five.
• Golf is a game that was invented to punish those who retire early.
• Golf is a good walk spoiled (Mark Twain)
• Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.
• Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated. It satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening-it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented. (Arnold Palmer)
• A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.
• Golfer's prayer--Lord may I live long enough to shoot my age.
• Golfers are the best swingers.
• The holes are numbered. (Jack Nicklaus, responding to the question 'You really know your way around a course. What's your secret?'
• I golf because the doctor told me to take 'iron' everyday.
• I golf because the doctor said to live on greens.
• I know I'm getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators. (President Gerald Ford)
• I never pray to God to make a putt. I pray to God to help me react good if I miss a putt. (Chi Chi Rodriguez)
• I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. (G.K. Chesterton)
• If frustration and humiliation is your aim, then golf is your game.
• If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him. (Bob Hope)
• If you watch a game, it's fun.
  If you play it, it's recreation.
  If you work at it, it's golf. (Bob Hope)
• If it goes right, it's a slice,
  if it goes left, it's a hook,
  if it goes straight, it's a MIRACLE!
• If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.
• If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.
• The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.
• My body is here, but my mind has already teed off.
• One lesson you'd better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on the golf course and beat the president. (Lyndon B. Johnson)
• The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you.
• Real golfers, no matter what the provocation, never strike a caddie with the driver. The sand wedge is far more effective. (Huxtable Pippey)
• The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.
• There are two kinds of bounces: unfair bounces and bounces that are just the way you meant to play them.
• There is one thing in this world that is dumber than playing golf. That is watching someone else playing golf. What do you actually get to see? Thirty-seven guys in polyester slacks squinting at the sun. Doesn't that set your blood racing? (Peter Andrews)
• There's something intrinsically therapeutic about choosing to spend your time in a wide, open park-like setting that non-golfers can never truly understand. (Charles Rosin)
• They call it 'golf' because all the other four-letter words are taken.
• To Golf or Not to Golf? What a silly question.
• When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.
• You can hit a two-acre fairway ten percent of the time and a two-inch branch ninety percent of the time.
• You can't call it a sport. You don't run, jump, you don't shoot, you don't pass. All you have to do is buy some clothes that don't match. (Steve Sax)

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Golf Ball

Cut two circles of white paper (slightly off-white paper with texture works well), the same size. Punch one all over with a small round paper punch. Put the punched circle on top of the plain circle. Looks amazingly like a real golf ball. (Jean Gifford)

Golf Humor

The hacker's wife wasn't speaking to him when he showed up four hours late for Sunday dinner after a golf match.
His explanation went: "We got on the first tee at 8 o'clock and still had to wait an hour before we could hit off. On the second green Charlie keeled over and it looked like a heart attack. I ran to the clubhouse, tried to get a doctor, couldn't get one. Tried the cops and ambulance service but nobody answered. So I hurried back, and for the rest of the game it was hit the ball . . . drag Charlie . . . hit the ball . . . drag Charlie . . .

That Hurt!

A women was playing golf one Saturday morning. She teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and rolled around in agony.
The woman rushed to the man and said earnestly "I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me".
"Ooh, no, I'll be fine in a minute", he replied breathlessly, his hands still clasped together at his crotch.
But she persisted, and he finally said she could help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and put her hands inside and began to massage him. She then asked, "How does that feel?
He replied: "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like the dickens."

Songs about Golf

• 19th Hole - Nick Costner (2008)
• Ain't Golf Grand - Brian Hall (2006)
• Golf Ball Shuffle - Earthshoe (1986)
• Golf, Golf, Golf - Archie Campbell (1966)
• Golf is Groovy - Parry Grip (2005)
• Golf is Such an Easy Game - Glen Everhart (2007)
• I Like Golf - Royce Aube (2006)