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Scrapbooking Tips:

Guide to understanding a board addicts day

Slow day: not much to do so spent three hours on my favorite message board.
Busy day: managed to work in three hours on my favorite message board.
Very busy day: barely squeezed in three hours on my favorite message board.

Tale of a Midnight Scrapbooker

(Cheryl Miller)

It's nine o'clock, the baby's in bed.
"Let's go also," my husband said.
"That sounds great!" in a hug we engage.
"Just give me ten minutes, I'll finish a page!"

Thirty go by, my borders complete;
I lay out my pictures so nice and neat.
I add paper for color and a sticker or two.
How about a die-cut, now that should do!

But then an idea pops into my head-
One more page, then off to bed!
I glance at the clock; it's 11:09!
This is it; I'll draw the line.

But my fingers keep cutting- the ideas are pouring;
From the back room, I can't hear the snoring!
I look back at my work; I've done quite a bit.
It's midnight now- and time to quit.

I clean up my desk and turn off the light.
put my book on the shelf- til tomorrow night!

Twas the Day I Was Scrapping

(by Melody Herman, revised by Sandi Henry, Diane Schroeder and Denny Davis)

'Twas the Day I was scrapping and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, well . . . a snore from my spouse!
My scissors were hung on the wall with such care,
That I'd know if missing were even one pair!

Pictures of my family scattered across the desktop,
And til each one was mounted, I knew I wouldn't stop.
Having put the kids down for a long afternoon nap,
I knew my Idea Book would make my pages a snap!

And me in the mood to create page after page,
My kids will have thousands by the time they're my age.
Then on top of the table there arose such a clatter,
When I dumped my stickers and die-cuts and pens all a-scatter.

I got quickly to work then I started to cringe,
I ran out of photo splits, halting my scrapbooking binge.
I called my CMC, so glad she was near,
placed my order and knew there was no need to fear.

More rapid than horses, I drove in my rig,
pulled up in her driveway and danced a little jig.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but my CM consultant, oh what a dear.

My helpful consultant saying, "See this? It's brand new!"
I looked at my watch; it was a quarter past two!
I put it all on the counter and paid with a shrug,
Her scrapping room gives me pleasure, just like a warm hug.

I bought my splits--and some stickers--and was out in a flash
With no malls, no crowds, no 50-yard dash.
More rapid than horses, I drove to my pad,
Kids and husband were still sleeping; I was embarrassingly glad!

My scissors and paper and tape runner all flew,
As I stuck down my last sticker depicting the Zoo.
My time about over, I moved with such speed,
For scrapping is a delightful rush that I need.

Awake now were my children and my special time was through,
But tomorrow at nap time I'd do it again, we all knew.
So when your cropping session is cut short, and you have no more time,
Just remember my story and my silly little rhyme.

And you will find great comfort in knowing you'll never be done,
being bitten by the scrapping bug is really quite fun!!!

To Creative Memories With Hugs

(you might as well be selling drugs)

(Susan Vass)

My name is Susan; I am sick
I need a 12-step program quick!
My life is out of control;
My photographs have claimed my soul.

This is all my mother's doing,
It's HER Consultant I am suing,
Her album was a work of art
She told me Jenny helped her start.

Mom said, "You'll love this spunky lass,
I met her in my Bible Class.
Let's just go out and take a look,
You needn't even buy a book."

Several HUNDRED dollars later,
My wallet was an empty crater,
I had five books and ten refills,
the splits, the die-cut pack, the frills.

The things she sold me, golly whizzers,
A trimmer and a wavy scissors.
A colored pen set with fine tips
The special stickers--30 strips.

Page protectors keep 'em clean,
Oh poly-want some prop-y-lene.
I spent enough to cause a frown-line.
And support her up- and down-line.

But the MONEY shouldn't have made me vexed,
Compared to all that happened next.
My mother never would have thunk she'd
Turn me to an album junkie.

From fifteen books I ripped out pictures
Showcase BACK to shoe box quick sirs
For twenty years, I'd put them in
ALL WRONG, and must begin again.

The light's still on at 4 a.m.
As I try to caption one more gem
Who can sleep or cook or mop
With ninety photos left to crop?

I really like "creative cropping"
Snip, snip--thirty pounds I'm dropping,
Grandpa's face is looking swell,
The nose job I performed went well

And oh, the groupings I can make,
Christmas, birthdays?--piece of cake!
But how 'bout pets--alive and late?
Students who DIDN'T graduate?

Great big weddings to former spouses,
Aunts with mustaches--old houses
Here's where I was thin one week
Better take a hasty peek.
Cuz here's where I regained each pound,
Plus extra ones to go around.

You start to organize your trips
Put under each one, clever quips.
Triple mats to match your eyes
And die-cut shapes in every size.

Within two weeks you feel real panic
You've changed from artist--to mechanic.
Cousin Roger for no reason
Is on a page on "Change of Seasons."

And here's a shot of Uncle Gus
Beside a stranger on a bus
Why DIDN'T you throw these pictures OUT?
Would the Picture Fairy know--and pout?

Four rolls can never be too many
Of the one time you met Uncle Benny
Or miles and miles and miles of beach.
I think that speck is Robin Leach.

These vistas from the plane are fun,
Too bad the wing's in every one
100 shots of Glacier Park
And 88 are in the dark.

Who cares? They're DOWN! You're nearly through,
Run out of splits? Use Elmer's Glue!
If I never see these folks again
It'll be too soon--where's that Bic pen!

We cannot eat, we have no table
It's covered up with Grandma Mabel
And don't go near the microwave
That's our trip to Crystal Cave.

The phone is ringing, who can find it?
With the family reunion pix behind it?
My family up and moved away
But here's a page from our last day.

And when I die
My epitaph will read:
She's done with photographs!

Conceal and Deny

(author unknown)

It happens every day. An otherwise in-control women comes to the counter to purchase scrapbook supplies. Once we tell her the total, she states "My husbands going to kill me!" Are you all really married to ogres who yell every time you spend a penny on Scrapbooking supplies?

All you failed to do was conceal or properly explain your spending habits. And how do I do that, you ask? Here are a few of my favorites.

  1. Destroy the evidence. Toss all bags and receipts in the trash at the curb. Slip your supplies into you existing stash and he'll never know.
  2. Cook your books. After you make a purchase just substitute the name of your local grocery store for the store name in the check registry and when he asks where all the money goes, tell him, "Hey, we have to eat" Caution: Watch out for duplicate checks!
  3. Bribe the Kids. Keep all potential informers on the payroll. An allowance raise or unlimited Nintendo time might buy their silence, however with toddlers, all bets are off. But hey, if you can sell them Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. You'll think of something.
  4. If your efforts at concealment fail and you are caught unpacking your latest purchase, these last ditch excuses will come in handy.
  1. "I've Had That Forever!" If you followed Tip 1, this will be easier than if a dated receipt is hanging out of the bag.
  2. "It was on Sale!" This excuse does not generally go over well with men, but you can try.
  3. The Guilt Trip. "I was working on your album as a surprise but now just forget it!" Most effective when accompanied by hysterical weeping.
  4. Change the subject. Ask him if he's been working out lately. Give him "that look". Make him forget what he was asking you in the first place.
  5. When all else fails, DENY Everything!

Eight Steps to a Punch-Free Life

(author unknown)

  1. Admit you are powerless under the influence of punches
  2. Tell your loved ones the truth about how many punches you own
  3. Apologize to the store employees and UPS drivers for stalking them
  4. Throw away "will work for punches" sign
  5. Return punches ripped from the grasp of other scrapbookers
  6. Let your children play with your punches
  7. Get a life not a new punch
  8. Take it one scrapbooking store at a time

The Scrapper's Creed

(author unknown)

A Scrapper's Day!

(by Leora--aka Debbi Seiler)

I want to set the perfect stage,
I begin to plan my album's page,
And without a doubt,
I dream up a terrific layout.

I go to my scrappin' treasure chest,
For I only want the best.
I pull out paper, scissors, and glue,
Oh, the things I've got to do.

With scrapbook magazine in hand,
I begin to crop my daughter playing in the sand.
Yes, an addicted scrapper I am,
I might use my templates of a star, or lamb.

I glue my letters and pictures piece by piece,
Oh, I can't forget to include that one of my niece.
Journaling, I must neatly write,
I now look at my completed page with such delight!

I've captured a moment in time to later share,
The page was made with so much care.
For all these memories I will look at and treasure,
Yes, scrappin' gives me so much pride and pleasure.

With the new day at bay,
I wish each one of you a wonderful day!

Ode to My Wife

(Valerie Consolo)

She learned to crop on Monday
Her shapes were going fine.
She forgot to thaw our dinner
So we went out to dine . . .

She added die-cuts on Tuesday
She says they really are a must
They actually were quite lovely,
But she forgot to dust . . .

On Wednesday it was stickers,
She says the designs are fun,
What highlights! What shadows!
But the laundry wasn't done.

Her journaling was on Thursday
With Pigma pens, including red,
I guess she really was engrossed,
She never made the bed.

It was acid-free paper on Friday
In colors that she adores.
It never bothered her at all
The crumbs on the floor!

I found a maid on Saturday,
My week is now complete
My wife can crop the hours away
The house will still be neat!

Well, it's already Sunday,
But don't call me a great pop . . .
I cursed! I raved!! I Ranted!
The maid has learned to crop!!!

She's Out of Control

(Toni Sorenson Brown)

Mama's gone crazy,
She's up in the night
Pasting and cutting
to make each page right.
She's creating a book
of memories and tokens
filling it with photos
and poems of hearts broken.
It's acid free paper
and stickers and paste
What once was plain garbage
is no longer waste.
She follows us around
hoping we'll sneeze
So she can have the tissue
"For my scrapbook please."

You Know You're Addicted to Scrapbooking When...

(author unknown)

Songs about Scrapbooks

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