Five Ways to say "Merry Christmas"

English - Merry Christmas
French - Joyeux Noël
German - Frohe Weihnachten
Italian - Buon Natale
Spanish - Feliz Navidad

Gift Card for Nuts

I searched for the perfect gift
but nothing seemed to do
then I saw these nuts
and suddenly thought of you.

Gift Card for Hot Chocolate Mix

You Friendship Has Warmed Us
The Whole Year Through
We Hope This Hot Chocolate
Will Do the Same For You.

Gift Cards for Mints

• We were 'mint' for each other
• We appreciate your commit-'mint'
• Your friendship has 'mint' a lot to me

Gift Cards for M&M's

Have a Merry and Most Wonderful Holiday Season!

Gift Card for Muffins

You're Gettin' Muffin for Christmas

Gift Cards for Rice Krispie Treats

Snap! Crackle! Pop! I think you're really tops!
Thank you for putting the Snap! Crackle! Pop! into our (friendship/marriage)

Gift Cards for Lifesavers

For all the times you have come to my rescue.
You have been a lifesaver to me.

Gift Cards for Pop

May your Christmas be Merry and Sprite!
You make my day sparkle

Gift Card for Chips

I can always count on you when the chips are down.

Gift Cards for Tea

A friend like you is just my cup of tea.
May your days be steeped with love and warmed with joy!
Our friendship is like a cup of tea, a special blend of you and me!

Gift Cards for Gloves or Mittens

You are so handy to have around.
Thanks for lending a helping hand.

Magic Sleep

Note: Type this poem on a piece of paper. Attach it to a Ziploc bag that contains an envelope of hot cocoa mix, a candy cane, a chocolate Hershey's kiss, and a handful of mini marshmallows. It also makes a good idea for something different as a treat for kindergartners (either from a room mother at a party or as a gift from the teacher).

What do you call it when your Christmas tree explodes?
A tannen-bomb. (Tannenbaum)

Santa's Magic Key

(get an old key and paint it gold, add some gems and attach the poem to it)

This key is very special, you see,
It won't work for you or me.

Hang it just outside your door,
Go to bed and worry no more.

Close your eyes and close them tight,
'Cause Santa Claus is coming tonight.

(alternate version)

Dear Santa,
We don't have a chimney
for you to come in through
And if you miss our house
I don't know what I'll do.

Mom says you work magic
and can use just any old key
If we just hang it outside
in a place you're sure to see.

So I'm placing this old key
right beside our door
Say my prayer and jump in bed
and I won't worry anymore.

Snowman Poop

For a cute gag gift put some white packing peanuts in a bag with this poem:

You've been naughty!
Here's the scoop-
All you get for Christmas
is Snowman poop!

(alternate version)
Santa's made his list and
he's checked it twice.
He isn't too happy 'cause
you haven't been nice.
Coal is too expensive so
here's the scoop:
He's filling your stocking
with snowman poop!!

(Be careful with this. I played the trick on my son-in-law when my oldest granddaughter was around five years old. She ended up in tears and saying "my daddy is to good". She was okay after we told her it was a joke but she still didn't think it was funny.)

Reindeer Food

Tis the night before Christmas
and since every year,
You feed Santa Claus,
Now feed his reindeer!

Instructions:
1. Wait until Christmas Eve.
2. Open bag and sprinkle Reindeer Food on the lawn.
3. Hop into bed!
4. Shhhhh!!! Listen for Santa!
5. Close your eyes tight! Watch the sugarplums dance!

Contents:
Enough Reindeer food for eight tiny reindeer!

(mix glitter with oats or oatmeal to make the magic reindeer food)

Christmas Carol Game

Figure out the Christmas carol and when you do, you have to sing it!

1. Colorless Yuletide
2. Castaneda Seed in a Conflagration
3. Singular Yearning for Twin Anterior Incisors
4. Righteous Darkness
5. Arrival Time: 24:00 Hours/Weather: Cloudless
6. The Event Occurred At One Minute After 11:59 p.m.-Visibility Unlimited
7. Loyal Followers Advance
8. Approach, Everyone Who Is Steadfast
9. Red Man En Route to Borough
10. Delight for This Planet
11. Ecstasy Toward the Orb
12. The Gross Square Root Festive 24 Hour Intervals
13. Jocund Elderly Martyr Lacking Five Cent Pieces
14. Metallic Element AG Cup-shaped Instruments 
15. Musical Clanging Objects Composed of A White Malleable Element
16. Oh Yuletide Tall Woody Plant
17. Hail Nativity Conifer
18. Boreal Ice Crystal Homo Sapiens
19. Female Ancestor Collides with Rangifer Tarandus
20. Expect My Arrival at My Domicile this Yule
21. Perambulating in Terrain of Awe 12/21 to 3/19
22. Move hitherward the entire assembly of those who are loyal in their belief.
23. Listen, the celestial messengers produce harmonious sounds
24. Listen! The Foretelling Spirits Harmonize
25. Nocturnal time span of unbroken quietness
26. Quiescent Nocturnal Period
27. An emotion excited by the acquisition or expectation of good given to the terrestrial sphere.
28. Embellish the interior passageways
29. Embellish the Corridors
30. Exalted heavenly beings to who harkened
31. Seraphim We Aurally Detected in the Stratosphere
32. Twelve o'clock on a clement night witnessed its arrival.
33. The Christmas preceding all others
34. The Primary Carol
35. Small municipality in Judea southeast of Jerusalem
36. Hey, Minuscule Urban Area Southwest of Jerusalem
37. Diminutive masculine master of skin-covered percussionist cylinders
38. The Slight Percussionist Lad
39. Omnipotent Supreme Being who elicits respite to ecstatic distinguished males
40. Creator Grant You Cheerful Thoughts, Noble Sirs
41. Tranquility upon the terrestrial sphere.
42. Obese personification fabricated of compressed mounds of minute crystals.
43. Expectation of arrival to populated area by mythical, magical masculine perennial gift-giver.
44. Natal celebration devoid of color.
45. In awe of the nocturnal time span characterized by religiosity.
46. Geographic state of fantasy during the season of Mother Nature's dormancy.
47. The first person dominative plural of a triumvirate of far eastern heads of state.
48. Tintinnabulation of vacillating pendulums in inverted, metallic resonant cups.
49. In a distant location the existence of an improvised unit of newborn children's slumber
50. Removed In a Bovine Feeding Trough
51. Proceed forth declaring upon a specific geological alpine formation.
52. Jovial Yuletide desired for the second person singular or plural by us
53. Our Desire Is Your Yuletide Cheer
54. Celestial messengers from splendid empires
55. Ovine Caretakers Supervised Their Charges in the Period Past Twilight
56. What Offspring Abides Thus
57. Song of Joy From Harmonic Hollow Metallic Devices
58. Are You Experiencing Parallel Auditory Input?
59. Proceed to Broadcast This From a Much Higher Elevation
60. Delighted Days Off
61. I Auditorily Perceived Clapper Containers At the Peak of the Yuletide Season
62. I Observed a Trio of Vessels Returning From Yachting
63. A Melodic Composition Reverberates Through the Atmosphere

Answers:

1. White Christmas
2. Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire
3. All I Want for Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth
4. Oh Holy Night
5. It Came Upon a Midnight Clear
6. It Came Upon a Midnight Clear
7. Oh Come All Ye Faithful
8. Oh Come All Ye Faithful
9. Santa Claus is Coming to Town
10. Joy to the World
11. Joy to the World
12. The Twelve Days of Christmas
13. Jolly Old Saint Nicholas
14. Silver Bells
15. Silver Bells
16. Oh Christmas Tree
17. Oh Christmas Tree
18. Frosty the Snowman
19. Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer
20. I'll Be Home for Christmas
21. Walking in a Winter Wonderland
22. Oh, Come All Ye Faithful
23. Hark the Herald Angels Sing
24. Hark the Herald Angels Sing
25. Silent Night
26. Silent Night
27. Joy to the World
28. Deck the Halls
29. Deck the Halls
30. Angels We Have Heard On High
31. Angels We Have Heard On High
32. It Came Upon a Midnight Clear
33. The First Noel
34. The First Noel
35. Oh Little Town of Bethlehem
36. Oh Little Town of Bethlehem
37. Little Drummer Boy
38. Little Drummer Boy
39. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
40. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
41. Peace On Earth
42. Frosty the Snowman
43. Santa Claus is Coming to Town
44. White Christmas
45. O, Holy Night
46. Winter Wonderland
47. We Three Kings of Orient Are
48. Jingle Bells
49. Away In a Manger
50. Away In a Manger
51. Go Tell it on the Mountain
52. We Wish You a Merry Christmas
53. We Wish You a Merry Christmas
54. Angels From the Realms of Glory
55. While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks By Night
56. What Child Is This?
57. Carol of the Bells
58. Do You Hear What I Hear?
59. Go Tell it on the Mountain
60. Happy Holidays
61. I Heard the Bells On Christmas Day
62. I Saw Three Ships Come Sailing By
63. There's a Song in the Air

A Politically Correct Holiday Greeting

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

Please accept as well a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2000, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere, and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual orientation of the wishee.
(By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms: This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.)

O, Christmas Tree???

On a message board someone asked whether others had a real Christmas tree or a fake one. A person new to the board didn't realize that you had to reply from within a message or the reply would show up as a new thread. Those who hadn't noticed the Christmas tree question didn't quite know what to make of this post:
SUBJECT: Fake, the last 3yrs. I love REAL, but my husband doesn't
MESSAGE: My husband likes fake, he says less messy, more economical, safer. You have to pick your battles, even though I love real because of the smell and my childhood memories I gave in. It is a nice Fake!