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Also see Mother Poems, Mother Humor, Your Mother, Domestic Engineering and Parenting.
Cut the front of the pocket in a scoop shape using a large plate for a pattern. On the back pocket page where it shows above the front use sticker letters to write "Being a Mom". Near the bottom of the front of the pocket put "Is Loads of Fun". Near the top of the page use a black fine tip pen to draw a clothesline. Put bows near the ends of the line. Hang various clothes stickers on the line. Put clothes basket and some of the small clothing item stickers near the bottom of the page. (CMC Sandy W)
Kathy M. did a similar page using the title "Hangin' Out" and added little marks that look like clothes pins and a bird sitting on the clothes line.
You could use these ideas without making a pocket for photos of muddy kids.
(by Erma Bombeck)
We all know that being a Mom is the hardest, most rewarding job on the face of this Earth.
"You don't love me!"
How many times have your kids laid that one on you? And how many times have you, as a parent, resisted the urge to tell them how much? Someday, when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a mother, I'll tell them . . .
Real Mothers don't eat quiche; they don't have time to make it.
Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils are probably in the sandbox.
Real Mothers often have sticky floors, filthy ovens and happy kids.
Real Mothers know that dried play dough doesn't come out of shag carpet.
Real Mothers don't want to know what the vacuum just sucked up.
Real Mothers sometimes ask "why me?" and get their answer when a little voice says, "because I love you best."
Real Mothers know that a child's growth is not measured by height or years or grade . . .
It is marked by the progression of Mama to Mommy to Mom.
Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby . . .
Somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother, "Normal," is history.
Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct . . .
Somebody never took a three- year-old shopping.
Somebody said being a mother is boring . . .
Somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver's permit.
Somebody said if you're a 'good' mother, your child will 'turn out good' . . .
Somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee.
Somebody said "good" mothers never raise their voices . . .
Somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the neighbor's window.
Somebody said you don't need an education to be a mother.
Somebody never helped a fourth grader with her math.
Somebody said you can't love the fifth child as much as you love the first . . .
Somebody doesn't have five children.
Somebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books . . .
Somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose or in his ears.
Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labor and delivery . . .
Somebody never watched her 'baby' get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten--or on a plane headed for boot camp.
Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back . . .
Somebody never organized four giggling Brownies to sell cookies.
Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married . . .
Somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother's heartstrings.
Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last child leaves home . . .
Somebody never had grandchildren.
Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell her . . .
Somebody isn't a mother.
If you have a computer program that will make business cards you can make some really cute ones for your "job" as a homemaker or SAHM.
At the top put "Every mother is a working mother" (or other motto of your choice).
In the center put your name in large letters.
Under that put "Homemaker, Licensed" or "Stay-at-home Mom, licensed".
In the lower left corner put your address, phone and/or email address.
In the lower right put "10 (or appropriate number) years of experience turning out quality products."
Maybe you've been there. Sitting across the desk from a man in a swivel chair who is looking at your resume. Then he speaks, "Your credentials and background are good, but what have you done in the six years since you last were employed?"
It happened to Dorothy Peterson of Akron, Ohio, who filled in the "gap" with the following.
"I have been wet on, sneezed at, thrown up on, and sassed at. I have been surprised, hugged and praised by these same offenders who did the above.
"I have planted, hoed and weeded a garden only to later pick, can and freeze the same stuff I planted, hoed and weeded.
"I have coped with more month than money, but fed my family without their awareness of my scrimping.
"I have welcomed stray dogs and cats of uncertain origins, taught them civilized demeanor and bought 2,600 pounds of dog food and 3,120 cans of cat food.
"I have hosted birthday parties for over twenty preschoolers, with the culmination of no damage and a good time was had by all.
"I have gone to 50 percent off clearance sales without the skill of a combat officer, but always got my sought- after bargain.
"I have driven a husband to the airport, a teenager to band practice and a 6-year-old to gymnastics . . . all within the same hour.
"I have played pat-a-cake, peek-a-boo and hide-n-go-seek. I have run alongside a two-wheeler and bandaged skinned knees.
"I have prepared agendas, chaired meetings and written reports. I have been on working committees, study committees, and rubber stamp committees. I have taught classes, directed activities and volunteered when no on else would.
"It was my conscious choice to fill the role of full-time care giver during this six-year span. I have given my children attention, time, involvement and a positive set of values. Now I would like to help provide the financial means that allow for their enrichment and my personal fulfillment."
I don't know what position Dorothy was applying for or if she got the job, but whatever it is, she sounds overqualified to me.
A few months ago, when I was picking up the children at school, another mother I knew well, rushed up to me. Emily was fuming with indignation.
"Do you know what you and I are?" she demanded.
Before I could answer--and I didn't really have one handy--she blurted out the reason for her question. It seemed she had just returned from renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office. Asked by the woman recorder to state her "occupation," Emily had hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.
"What I mean is," explained the recorder, "Do you have a job, or are you just a . . . "
"Of course I have a job," snapped Emily. "I'm a mother."
"We don't list "mother" as an occupation . . ."housewife" covers it," said the recorder emphatically.
I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high-sounding title, like "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar."
"And what is your occupation?" she probed.
What made me say it, I do not know. The words simply popped out. "I'm . . . a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."
The clerk paused, ballpoint pen frozen in mid-air, and looked up as though she had not heard right. I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pompous pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.
"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?"
Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of research (what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters (the whole darned family) and already have four credits (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities (any mother care to agree?) and I often work fourteen hours a day (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers
and the rewards are in satisfaction rather than just money."
There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door. As I drove into our driveway buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants--age thirteen, seven, and three. And upstairs, I could hear our new experimental model (six months) in the child-development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt triumphant. I had scored a beat on bureaucracy. And I had gone down on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another . . ."
Home . . . what a glorious career. Especially when there's a title on the door.
Long-term team players needed for challenging permanent work in an often-chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in faraway cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
For the rest of your life. Must provide on-the-site training in basic life skills, such as nose blowing. Must have strong skills in negotiating, conflict resolution and crisis management. Ability to suture flesh wounds a plus. Must be able to think out of the box but not lose track of the box, because you most likely will need it for a school project. Must reconcile petty cash disbursements and be proficient in managing budgets and resources fairly, unless you want to hear, "He got more than me!" for the rest of your life.
Also, must be able to drive motor vehicles safely under loud and adverse conditions while simultaneously practicing above-mentioned skills in conflict resolution. Must be able to choose your battles and stick to your guns. Must be able to withstand criticism, such as "You don't know anything."
Must be willing to be hated at least temporarily, until someone needs $5 to go skating. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 MPH in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys and battery operated devices.
Also, must have a highly energetic entrepreneurial spirit, because fund-raiser will be your middle name. Must have a diverse knowledge base, so as to answer questions such as "What makes the wind move?" or "Why can't they just go in and shoot Sadism Hussein?" on the fly. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
None required, unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
You pay them, offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn eighteen because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered, job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.