Cooking

Page Toppers

Quotes

• Annoying the cook will result in smaller portions
• Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography. (Robert Byrne)
• Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
• Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat, cleaned everything up, but he "made the dinner".
• Bakers knead love, too.
• Bakers rise to the occasion.
• Bakers knead love, too.
• A baker rises to the occasion.
• Bakers trade info on a knead-to-know basis.
• A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life.
• A Clean oven will cause a pie to run over.
• Complaints to the Cook...can be hazardous to your health !
• Countless numbers of people have eaten in this kitchen and went on to live perfectly normal lives.
• Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
• Good apple pies are a considerable part of our happiness. (Jane Austen)
• A good cook is like a sorceress who dispenses happiness. (Elsa Schiaparelli)
• Got more time for misbehavin'
  since I started microwaving!
• Grateful we are for compliments given,
  more grateful we'd be, for help in the kitchen.
• Husband: "What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?"
  Wife: "Turn sideways and look in the mirror."
• I came...I saw...I decided to order take out
• I cook with wine...Sometimes I even put it in the food!
• I could keep this kitchen clean if you people would just stop eating here!
• I don't cook on days that end in Y.
• I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking. (Katherine Cebrian)
• I hate four letter words...Like Cook, Bake, Dust, and Wash
• I like hugs and I like kisses
  But what I REALLY love is help with the DISHES!
• I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.
• I read recipes the same way I read science fiction.
  I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."
• I made my favorite thing for dinner...a reservation
• If God meant for me to cook, why did he invent restaurants?
• If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it probably needs a little more time in the microwave. (Lori Dowdy)
• If the shelves are dusty,and the pots don't shine,
  it's because I have better things to do with my time.
• If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen!
• If you don't like my cooking, lower your standards.
• If you want breakfast in bed...sleep in the kitchen
• If yer lookin' for home cookin'...Go home!
• Kiss the cook and then take her out to dinner.
• Keep this kitchen clean. Eat out!
• Kitchen closed due to illness: I am sick of cooking
• The kitchen is the heart of the home.
• The last time I cooked this...hardly anyone got sick.
• Leftovers: food stored in the refrigerator until it's old enough to be thrown away.
• Lord...bless this kitchen...and those who labor in it.
• I love a man with dishpan hands!
• Make yourself at home; clean my kitchen!
• A man is, in general, better pleased when he has a good dinner on his table than when his wife talks Greek. (Samuel Johnson)
• The meal's complete when the kitchen's neat!
• A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen and this kitchen is delirious.
• A messy kitchen is a sign of a good meal.
• Mom's Cafe. Open 24 hours!
• The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. (Calvin Trillin)
• My Family Eats From The 3 Basic Food Groups - Canned, Take Out and Microwaveable
• My husband and I share work in the kitchen 50-50. I cook and he eats.
• My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines.
• Need some time to be alone? Try washing the dishes!
• No matter where I serve my guests,
  they seem to like my kitchen best!
• Nothin' says lovin' like fresh pie from the oven.
• Nothing gets me in the mood like a man doing the dishes.
• The only reason I have a kitchen is that it came with my house!
• The only self-cleaning thing in this kitchen is the cat!
• Open the oven, take a look;
  first to complain is next week's cook!
• The preparation of good food is merely another expression of art, one of the joys of civilized living. (Dione Lucas)
• Recipe: a series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog won't eat.
• REFRIGERATOR: Combination art gallery and air-conditioner for the kitchen.
• Self cleaning kitchen. Clean up after yourself. Mom's off duty.
• Sign in a butcher shop: Let us meat your needs.
• A stack of dirty dishes is not a sign of a neglected house. It's a sign that the people who live here like to eat.
• This is a self-cleaning kichen. Clean up after yourself!
• This kitchen is closed,
  it's been a long day.
  The dishes are done
  so please go away!
• Today's Menu: Take it or Leave it!
• The trouble with living alone is that it's always your turn to do the dishes.
• Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat. (Fran Lebowitz)
• The way to a woman's heart is through the door of a good restaurant. (Elliot Joseph)
• When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go by
• Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
• When the meal isn't ready, they're under my feet.
  When the food's on the table, they're down the street.
• "Well, Abigail, back to work tomorrow...Another day, (sigh), another dollar...and that reminds me, all the guys laughed at my lunch today."
  "Why? What's wrong with cheese sandwiches and coffee?"
  "Nothing...but you put them in Dawn's Sesame Street lunch box!"
• You can eat off my floor...there are crumbs everywhere!
• A young husband came home from work and his wife said, "Honey, I'm afraid your dinner is a little burnt tonight."
  He said: "Don't tell me they had a fire at McDonald's."

Did You Ever Wonder...

• Why do toasters always have a setting that turns the toast into a charcoal briquette , which no decent human being would eat?
• What disease did cured ham actually have?
• Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Xmas Dinner/Picnic Page Idea

Cut three 1 1/2" squares each out of cranberry gingham and evergreen gingham and then cut the same number of 2" squares out of the solids (or vise versa). Put the smaller squares on top of the larger squares and trim the edges of the large square with scallop or deckle edge scissors. Adhere the squares down the edge of the page point to point (diamond shaped) to look like "napkins". Now take six sets of silverware stickers and "tie" them with the photo essence Christmas bows (or regular Christmas bows). Place them on the squares.

By changing the colors of the paper and bows and you can use this idea for a retirement luncheon, Mother's Day Tea, Picnic, etc.

Tips for a Recipe Album

(most of these were compiled by jtc and LindaG)

• Have them journal about when they first had the particular food made from the recipe.
• Did they like it? Grow to like it? Hate it?
• Why is it a family tradition?
• Any funny stories about a recipe, e.g. once it made with too much salt?
• How are these recipes tied to their ethnic background?
• How old were they when they first learned to make the recipe?
• Did they learn from a special family member or friend?
• I see this type of album as a heritage album of sorts. Funny stories. Perhaps stories that show a family's roots.
• How about photos at different stages of cooking. Especially "tricky" parts of the recipe that might not be obvious from reading instructions.
• If possible use the original recipe card and then next to it write the recipe again so it doesn't fade.
• Make a perpetual album with favorite recipes of the month
• Write recipes on cards and slip them into sleeves, so that you could flip them and read the back.
• Copy some old recipes to use for background paper - try printing on the "watermark" setting.
• Family favorites might be another way to go. Use a sleeve so you could update the persons picture and then have their favorite recipes.
• ABC could be used for recipes too. A is for apple pie. B is for bread etc.
• Use pictures of kids making cookies and other things they enjoy cooking.
• Make the book seasonal/holiday-summer, picnics, salads, barbecue, the fourth etc.

Graduation or Wedding Shower Gift

This is a fun gift for a high school graduate or bride-to-be. Send out a request to families and friends of the honoree, asking them to send back a photo (either of them alone or with the honoree.
Also ask them to send a favorite family recipe - possibly one they know the honoree likes. (You will probably get a better response if you provide a return envelope.) Gather the photos and recipes and place the photo on one side and reprint the recipe on the other, decorate, etc. It would also be fun to request a funny story or memory about the honoree - especially one pertaining to food.

Applesauce

Peel an apple,
cut it up,
cook it in a pot.
When you taste it
you will find
it's applesauce you've got!

Cookie Jar

Ingredients For Jam

(Mary Cooper)

Sufficient glasses
And a good-sized kettle,
Fresh-hulled berries,
Well-shaped and crimson red.
Sugar...and to put you
On your mettle
A small boy waiting
With a piece of bread.

Preservation

(Darla Wagner)

My daughter finds a Ball Canning book
In the back of the cupboard,
The one above the stove, the useless cove.
I sigh as I look over her shoulder
As she glances through faded pages
Curious about the women in starched white aprons.

For a brief moment, I can smell
The steam from tomatoes
Bubbling like thick lava,
Feel the stickiness that lingers
After golden peaches are showcased
Behind tinted glass,
The soothing crispness of
Snap-snap-snapping green beans,
Pinched between thumb and forefinger,
White paraffin settled atop
Strawberry preserves.

My basement shelves
House empty, dusty jars
Rows of forgotten images, left unfilled,
A barren legacy from my past to hers.

I recall generations of women
Who lined glass treasures upon fruit cellar shelves,
Preserved mid-summer's harvest
To soothe her family from winter's harshness,
And I think of generations of women
Who will never know.

Grandma's Recipes

This has always puzzled me, just how much is a pinch?
These recipes of dear Grandma's surely are no cinch.
A "snip" of this, a "dab" of that, a "lump" of something else,
Then "beat it for a little while", or, "stir until it melts."
I have to be a wizard to decipher what she meant,
By all these strange proportions in her cookbook worn and bent.
How much nutmeg in the doughnuts? Grandma wouldn't flinch,
As she said, with twinkling eyes, "Oh, just about a pinch."
There must have been in her wise head a measuring device,
That told her just how much to use of sugar, salt and spice.

Recipes

great to use at an open house - compiled from a message board.

• Easy Spiced Cider
  (Michele)
  2 quarts Apple Cider
  1 pint Cranberry Juice
  1/2 cup brown sugar
  1 tsp. whole allspice
  4-5 cinnamon sticks
  handful of redhot candies
  1 tsp. whole cloves
  Mix together in crock pot and heat.
• Lump Dip
  (CMCRhonda)
  1 pkg. shredded cheese
  1 small pkg sliced almonds (toasted!)
  1 bunch green onions sliced
  1 pkg bacon, cooked and crumbled
  Mayonnaise to moisten (I use Hellmans)
  Mix it all together and just at mayonnaise to moisten. Serve w/tortilla chips.
• Nacho/Tortilla Dip
  (Canadian Cropper)
  1 pkg. of cream cheese
  Salsa sauce
  Green pepper (chopped)
  Green Onion (chopped)
  Tomatoes (chopped)
  Cheddar cheese
  In a mixing bowl cream the cream cheese and 2 tsp. salsa sauce. Spread evenly in the bottom of a dish. Cover with thin layer of salsa sauce. Sprinkle with chopped vegetables. Place shredded cheese on top. Cover. Place in refrigerator. Best if let sit for more then 12 hours before serving.
• Barbecue Cups
  (jc2)
  package biscuits
  hamburger
  onion
  barbecue sauce
  cheddar cheese
  Brown meat, add onion and barbecue sauce. Spread biscuits in muffin pan, fill with meat mixture. Sprinkle with cheese. Bake according to directions on biscuit container.
• Puppy Chow Snack Mix
  (CMCRhonda)
  1 box Golden Grahams cereal
  1 pkg of pecan halves
  1 small bag pretzels
  1 pkg almond bark (white chocolate)
  Melt the bark and mix it all together. Lay out to dry a bit and then store in an airtight container.
• Better Than Sex Cake
  (Laurie in KS)
  1 box devil's food cake mix
  3-4 Heath candy bars
  1 can eagle brand milk
  1 jar of caramel syrup
  Cool Whip.
  Make cake to recipe, Cool. Use wooden spoon to poke holes in cake. Pour Eagle Brand on top of cake. Pour caramel on top of eagle brand. Smash 3 Heath bars and sprinkle on top. Top with cool whip and sprinkle remaining Heath bar on top!
• Daiquiri Pie
  (jc2)
  Can of drink mix
  Tub of cool whip
  Small Can of sweetened condensed milk
  Graham cracker crust
  Mix, pour, chill and enjoy!
  I've used frozen lemonade and also the Bacardi Frozen Drink Mixes work great. I've done Margarita and Strawberry Daiquiri.
• Dip for Fresh Strawberries
  (Kris in TX)
  Strawberry Dip:
  1 jar marshmallow cream (about 15-16 ounce I think)
  1 16 ounce pkg. cream cheese, softened
  Beat (a long time!) till all is combined.
• Chocolate Chip Cheese Ball
  (Suitesioux)
  1 8 ounce brick cream cheese - NOT low fat
  1 stick of butter - no substitutes
  3/4 cup powdered sugar
  2 tbsp. brown sugar
  1/4 tsp. vanilla
  3/4 cup mini chocolate chips
  3/4 cup chopped pecans
  chocolate or regular graham crackers
  Cream the cheese and butter in a mixer until smooth, add vanilla. Gradually add the sugars and blend well. Fold in the chocolate chips. Chill mixture for about an hour, or until firm. Then place on a piece of plastic wrap and mold into a ball. Roll in the chopped pecans. Chill again until ready to serve.
  Spread the dip on the graham crackers.
• Apple Dip
  1 Tsp Vanilla
  8 ounce cream cheese (can use low fat)
  1/4 c. white sugar
  3/4 c. brown sugar
  Crushed Heath bar (more the better!)
  If you put the sugar on the cream cheese a while before it will soften the cream cheese. Works well with tart granny smith apples.
• Tres Leches Cake (3 milks cake in Spanish)
  Bake a Moist Yellow cake mix according to directions. Poke a lot of holes in it with a toothpick. While still warm, pour this milk mixture over it: Mix 1can. evaporated milk; 1 can sweetened condensed milk; 1 half-pint heavy cream. Refrigerate for 2-3 hours or more. Top with cool whip before serving.
• Chocolate Chip Cheesecake Bars
  2 rolls Pillsbury Chocolate Cookie Dough
  2 Eggs
  2 Tablespoons Vanilla
  2-8 ounce Cream Cheese, softened
  1/2 cup sugar
  Preheat to 350 - spray 9x13 pan with vegetable spray.
  Press one roll of cookie dough into the bottom of the 9x13 pan.
  Mix cream cheese, eggs, vanilla, sugar thoroughly. May be a little lumpy.
  Pour over cookie dough in the pan.
  Cut second roll of cookie dough like you would for cookies and place on top of cream cheese mixture.
  Bake for 30-35 minutes at 350. Cookies on top and edges will be nicely browned.
• Fudge
  You use 2 cans sweetened condensed milk. And 4 bags of chocolate chips Put the condensed milk in a pot and put on med low heat, then add the chocolate chips. Stirring constantly. I have also used 2 chocolate and 2 Peanut butter.
  Place in a 9x13 pan lined with waxed paper. Put in fridge and the cut when cold. It is very smooth and very rich. (Melissa in MA)
• Kahlua Cake
  1 Devil's Food Cake (I use Moist Deluxe)
  1 small box chocolate pudding
  1 c. Sour Cream (8 ounce)
  3/4 c oil
  4 eggs
  1 c. Kahlua
  Preheat oven to 350. Mix all ingredients. Add 1 12 ounce package of semi-sweet chocolate chips. Stir. Pour into bundt pan that has been oiled and floured and bake for 55 - 60 minutes or until cake tester comes out mostly clean. It won't be completely clean because of the melted chocolate chips. If the tester looks like it has batter on it, leave it in the oven and try again in 5 minutes. Let cool for 30 minutes and then loosen the sides and turn out onto a plate.
  I don't make an icing because the cake is rich. A simple glaze would be okay.
• Oreo Delight
  1 1/4 package of Oreo's
  1 - 14 ounce can of Sweetened Condensed Milk
  2 8 ounce packages of cream cheese
  1 16 ounce Cool Whip
  1 21 ounce can of cherry pie filling
  In bottom of a 9x13 pan crumble 3/4 of package of Oreos. Smooth out so that they will evenly cover the bottom of the pan. Cream condensed milk and cream cheese together then pour over the Oreos.
  Spread Cool Whip over cream cheese mixture. Top with Cherry Pie filling.
  Crumble remaining Oreos over top of cherries. Refrigerate 1 hour before serving. (It's Black and white and red all over!)